


White Noise

by Anonymous



Series: All my anon works put together [9]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Happy Ending, Kinda, Psychotic break, Reader-Insert, Reunions, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28283610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: I dont knnow i just wanted angst.Its like the thoughts of a sister/brother losing their brother ie Tommyprobs wont add anymore than this(lies)(6 chapters thats it and im done)
Series: All my anon works put together [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2076048
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

White noise rang through my ears as I was blinded by the bright light of the sun. I waved a hand in front of my face to lessen the glare of the giant star but it just seemed to get bright until there was nothing. Darkness surrounded me, my breath was taken, my throat closed against itself as I started to suffocate. My vision faded to green? I wanted to scream yet my voice came out as nothing but a thin broken wheeze. I could feel my body tear into pieces as they floated away their feelings numbing into the nothing that surrounded me. 

I woke with a start. I felt the thin layer of sweat covering my entire body. I looked around from my laid down position, I was still in my room. I was still safe. I was still whole. I gave a slight sigh as I felt my head fall down onto the cold slightly wet pillow under my hair. My eyes made their place to a small hole in my ceiling from when Tommy had jumped off the bed hitting his head from the height he managed to get. 

The memory flooded past my eyes in a flash. Tommy had invited his friend,Tubbo, over to spend the night at our house. I had gone to the kitchen to make them some dinner but a loud bang and scream had made me rush into my room to find Tubbo hovering over Tommy who had both his hands placed firmly against his skull. 

A small laugh passed my lips as I let my eyes close. He was so proud that he could jump that he forgot the sky wasn't above him. But he was always like that, never looking to where he jumped, just lept carefree confident that even if he fell the people around him would help him get back up. I felt my throat tighten just like it had in my dream as I felt the tears threaten to fall. 

He was so much braver than me. I swallowed the lump down. As I gave a shuddering breath remembering what he had done. Brave and stupid. He had so much faith in his friends that when he took that leap he hadn't seen that no one was there to pick him up. 

All of them held back by a single arm. Even i couldn't even go and run to pick him up. Instead I watched as he was drug away pulled by his elbow. To a place I couldn't follow. No matter how much I begged. No matter how much I searched. He vanished from my life. In the single stupid incident. I tried to reason to show that he was just a kid he didn't know better but he had angered a god. A god that had no time to deal with childish people. 

I turned on my side, my eyes locking with the door handle. Hoping praying that he would open that door and just walk in. Dirty and smelly. I didn't care as long as he was home safe in my arms. I warped my arms around myself. I missed our hugs so much. I missed the smell of his sun kissed hair. I missed his voice no matter how much it annoyed me back then. I missed Tommy.

I watched with tired eyes as the sun flowed through my window slowly coming to rest on the door as it reached the peak height. I sighed as I slowly stretched. Everyday seemed to be a chore to go through. I saw no more of a reason to be alive. Because without Tommy. Nothing seemed to matter. The things that gave me joy only brought sadness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i lied i had a few more ideas with this lol

I awoke to the sound of knocking. I sighed, rubbing my eyes as I waited for whoever was outside to leave. A small voice came from the other side. Weak and unwilling. I knew the second I heard them squeak out an apology. 

“Hey I know…” I grit my teeth waiting for the words to spill from Tubbo's mouth. But he kept silent. Until I heard a sniffle come from the other side of the door. I felt my heart race at the sound. Before I knew it I was standing before the door, feet aching at the sudden movement. When was the last time I ever got out of bed.

I held the doorknob in my slightly sweaty hand. The nerves were eating me alive. Why would Tubbo come here? Why was he crying? He never cried. I shook my head as I opened the door. The sunlight blinded me instantly. As my vision returned I was faced with a very pale and red eyed Tubbo. 

I blanched at the slight, my mind going to the worst possible scenarios I could muster. I waited as Tubbo looked to the ground avoiding my eye contact. 

“Tubbo” my own voice felt foreign on my tongue. I haven't spoken since Tommy left? God, I was a mess. My eyes flickered down to the suit he wore but shot up as he spoke looking to the ground. his eyes trained on a single spot.

“i -i don't know how to tell you this,” he spoke, voice soft yet raw with all emotion i had ever seen from the young boy. I shuddered...no please. I begged as my mind filled with worry. No, Tommy was fine. He was safe. He was okay. I kept my breathing even even though i knew it wouldn't matter. 

Tommy was fine.

“He just-i just i...” he stumbled over his words as his fist clenched tightly at his sides. I couldn't say anything, feeling my eyes go wide. No, Tommy was fine. He had to be fine. He said...he said. I felt my chest tighten.

“I- i'm sorry...he's gone”

All in that second my entire world shattered before me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i swear i didnt mean to write this much.
> 
> i was like possessed. 
> 
> i need to add more tags now i think cause like idk.

I couldn't remember how I made it to the beach. I just knew that I was here and sitting on the soft warm sand. My eyes burnt to high hell and my feet felt sore and worn. I was watching myself. I wasn't in my body anymore. I was just on the outside looking in. Feeling this pain yet unable to let it out.

I watched as the waves mocked my very being. Begging me to come out and join. To join Tommy. I couldn't help the smile as I stood. I could be with Tommy again. I could see Tommy again. We could be together forever. And I wouldn't let him get hurt. Not again. Tommy was out in the ocean...i just had to step in and...find him.

The water splashed against my ankles. The ocean was sucking me in. I listened to the waves. Tommy was waiting for me. My smile grew. I was hopeful. Finally I could get to see him again. 

What a wonderful day.

The water was now soaking my shorts that stopped right at my knees. We would be together again. I could finally be happy again.

I looked up at the sun, it was so bright. I just wanted to sleep. I faced back to the vast open ocean that called to me. I would be free from this aching in my chest. 

I felt my stomach grow cold as the water rose the father I sunk in. it would be so wonderful to finally see Tommy. It's been months. I bet he misses me just as much as I do. I could finally hold him again. I would never let him go. I would hold so tightly that he couldn't escape. He would be so mad. And I would laugh finally letting him go. I would smile at his shy smile. He was too old to be hugged like that. I haven't hugged him like that in ages.

I would listen to his stories no matter how ridiculous no matter how much I wanted to leave. I would beg to hear his soft annoying voice again. 

My fingertips went numb.

Tommy would have sleepovers at my house again. I would make him and Tubbo pizza again. I'd listen to them laughing at their movie as they kept me awake with how loud they were being. It would be just like before he left to go make a nation. 

My elbows grew stiff.

And...and we would. 

I felt my mind stutter as a hand gripped my shoulder tightly stopping my movements. Who dared… my eyes lifted to see Ghostbur? I stood shocked as my eyes waved down to the translucent fingers holding me from moving forward. 

“What are you doing?” his soft voice pulled me slightly from the illusions that plagued my mind. I tried to shake my head clear from the thoughts.

Tommy is waiting for me. He’s not gone. He’s safe. I just need to take a few more steps forward and ill...ill get to see him again.

“Why are you trying to walk into the ocean...you're so silly” he smiled kindly with no ill intentions. I felt my heart pang in pain. 

Tommy hes...hes gone. I felt my entire body shiver at the thought. I- no he can't be gone. That means I let him...die. He died because I was weak. I let Tommy die. Because I hadn't spoken up. I didn't fight for him. I could have done something to...i couldn't have done anything. 

The revelation shook me to my core as I realized I was almost neck deep in the cold ocean waters. I carefully moved my arms to go back to shore letting Ghostbur lead the way slightly.

“Why were you out so far” he finally asked as he let go once I was back on shore shivering in the moonlight. His body glowed slightly giving off a comforting warmth even if it faux. I shook my head. “Tommy” I kneeled into the sand. It's warmth gone too. 

“I remember Tommy, he's a child,” I nodded at his statement. I couldn't bear the thought that he was actually gone though. My heart stung. No amount of glue or love could fix this hole that made its home in my heart. I gave Ghostbur a quick glance from the sand. He stood above me, his smile unwavering.

“Tommy, he's gone Ghosburt” I spoke barely above a whisper afraid of what my voice might do if I let it go above that. He didn't speak. I shivered again was it the cold or was it for the fact that my only family member was now gone forever. I wasn't sure anymore. I wasn't even sure which one I wanted it to be. My mind felt fried.

“Tubbo he said the same thing you know” the innocence beamed from his voice. It only made me wince. I stood on my unstable legs. I started to make my way home. Home? I couldn't even call it that anymore. Ghostbur followed behind me as i tired to remember why i had made my way out from the heavily wooded forest

“Why are you here… I mean this is…” i looked around “i don't know where i am Ghostbur” i dripped humor into my words. No matter how much my heart hurt it was always something else getting lost. I couldn't panic anymore than I already had. I felt my head pound against my skull. 

“I was looking for you” I turned around, stopping in my tracks. I gave him a confused look “why were you looking for me?” 

“Well I was singing to my new friend, you would like him, his name is friend. And then Tubbo came and told me you had run off and then I forget but here I am. I found you. I'm sure Tubbo will be proud of me.” I nodded, looking away as I kept walking to anything that felt familiar. 

“You know i think you could use some blue” I didn't stop as I was already drained and if i stopped i knew i wouldn't want to keep going.

“What is blue?” i asked though feeling my body start to grow sluggish. It took my effort to just stay awake now.

“Well you see I noticed that everyone has been very sad and angry so I give you this…” I gave a glance over my shoulder to what looked like a clear putty sitting in his palm. “And it starts out clear but then it sucks up your sadness and then you just throw it away and your sadness is gone...here calm yourself take some blue please” 

Ghostbur came to my side as he pulled my hand in his grasp as he placed the clear putty in my hand. Instantly it turned dark blue. I felt somewhat lighter but yet the weight was still heavy in my chest. My head pounded again. This time making me feel lightheaded.

“Oh no that's a lot of blue...here have some more” I stood still as he gave me some more clear putty taking the blue from my hand. I watched as the same thing happened. “I have lots of blue Ghostbur, maybe you should save some for the others” I sighed pocketing the blue. Ghostbur took my wrist pulling it out of my pocket.

“No no you throw it out” he laughed “it's bad to hold on to so much blue you know” he gave a wide smile as he motioned for me to throw the blue away. I looked down at my hand. My sadness in the palm of my hand. Could it be this easy? I gave it one final glance before throwing it into the darkness of the woods. I heard a slight thud as it hit the ground. 

Maybe things would turn around from here.

My vision blurred into nothing. The last thing I heard was a loud crack. And then I was out.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> like two more chapters and then bam this be done. never thought i would add more to this.

Everything came to in pieces. First was my hearing. I could hear mumbles yet no words. Next was my taste for some odd reason. I tried to make out a weird taste that filled my mouth yet nothing. When was the last time I even ate? 

My sight came next. I opened my eyes slightly to the slight of my ceiling. The hole seemed sadder than before. Like it had lost what was special to it too. I tried to move my head but pain shot up from my neck. I gave a short weep and my hand landed to where the pain had come from. Nothing was there but the pain pulsed under my fingertips.

What had happened? I felt my heart race. Wait. How did I get home? Wasn't I in the woods? I tried to look around again, moving my legs slightly this time. They were sore. I felt movement on my stomach. It was warm and heavy? Yet I couldn't move my damned head to see what was laid on me. 

I sighed in irritation. Nothing was making sense. A small noise made me jump as I felt the weight lift off my stomach.slowly a head came into view. Brown fluffy hair. Tired blue eyes met mine. It was Tubbo? 

“Wha-how did i get home?” I managed to whisper out voice horse. Tubbo rubbed his eyes in a slow manner. I felt my heart flutter, I missed when he would stay over he was always slow to wake compared to Tommy's rambunctious actions in the early hours.

“Ranboo...he carried you” he spoke, the sleep etched into his voice. I nodded the best I could from my laid down position. 

“My neck hurts” I reached up to my throat again touching the tender flesh. Tubbo's eyes started to fill with something. I felt uncertainty wash over my body. Everything flooded back. Tommy was gone. For good. God why hadn't i been a better older sibling why haven't i done more. 

“Ghostbur. He said that you were swimming in the ocean but like you weren't there for a little bit..” I closed my eyes thinking back to the memory. I was so out of it. The only thing that mattered was Tommy. “I don't want to be here without Tommy anymore. Honestly i feel like this is some cruel joke that never ends” i spoke feeling my voice break.

Tubbo’s eyes darkened as he left my view the only thing I was left with were his footsteps fading away. The soft sound of a door clicking was my answer. I wish i had...fuck i just my brother back. I threw my fist against the plush mattress that held me. Why Tommy? He wasn't a bad kid. He didn't deserve to...to die.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> one last chapter after this huh 
> 
> what a ride

Soft grass sat under me as I watched Tommy play on the small hill with Tubbo. I threaded my fingers against the grass feeling them dampen from the dew that had accumulated overnight. I gave a small laugh as I watched Tommy tackle his friend. Why was he always so aggressive? I thought I taught him better. Maybe it's just his nature.

Someone came into view shielding their face with a hand. I felt my body tense as I was about to call for them to come back. To get away from that man. I felt my eyes widen in horror as the man took Tommy small hand. His sweatshirt completely covered their hands. I tried to stand but the grass had wrapped it's length aground my legs trapping me as I watched Tommy being taken right before my eyes.

I glanced at Tubbo who stood looking up at the man in confusion. I tried to yell to no avail. Fuck. I gripped the grass helplessly pulling at it's holding but only blood filled my hands. He can't just take Tommy. I'm right here. No this wasn't fair. He's only a child. No this wasn't fair to him. He didn't deserve this. I've been the best substitute parent I could be. I tried to give him the best life. So why are you taking him from me. Please. He's the only family I have left you can do this please. Please don't take Tommy.

I opened my eyes to the familiar sting. I pulled at my sweat covered shirt. Taking greedy breaths. I managed to sit up. It was still daylight out.

“Oh you're awake?” I jumped at the sound of a man's voice coming from my side. I turned quickly, wincing at the pain that shot down my body. It was just Ghostbur. He was sitting next to me with a book in his hand. Before I could read the title he closed the book putting it away out of my view.

“Why are you here?” I spoke feeling my voice raise. I coughed at the overuse. Who knew that just raising my voice was already overusing it. God, I was pathetic. 

“Well” Ghostbur’s sweet voice came through like always “i was waiting for some friends to show up...i was hoping that maybe they might be able to help with all that blue you have” he gave a simple smile. No one could help me. I was too far gone. I didn't deserve help. I couldn't save my brother. Why do I deserve to even be here?

“I don't know who could possibly help...i think i'm a lost cause” i gave a bitter laugh as i laid back down. I didn't want to sleep anymore. I don't want to see Tommy helpless like that again. I didn't want to be awake or asleep. No, I just wanted to be gone. Like him...just be a family again with him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and we are done

A loud knock threw me out of the trance I had placed my mind into. It was a numb cage where I could peacefully live. I sat up more than I had before. I eyed the sky, it was dark again. I don't even remember the sun setting. I glanced at Ghostbur as he shut his book again getting up to the door. My nerves felt shot to hell as I waited holding my breath. Why did I feel so nervous. 

I felt a smile tug at my lips. Tommy would always answer the door. He was so ready to jump out and leave the house. I relaxed at the old memory as it stung yet more muted. If only Tommy… I shook my head, clearing the thought from my head.

My body tensed at the sound of a rough lowered voice as it entered my house. A red cape came into view as a piglin hybrid passed the threshold of the door way. My eyes met his crimson red ones. I lowered my gaze cursing Ghostbur for being such a guy into my house. I didn't even know the man how was i supposed t- 

My mind went blank. As my ears began to ring.

A piglin hybrid? 

I grew the courage to look up at the man again. Taking in his appearance this time. Looking for something I was told about long ago. 

Red cape.

Golden crown. 

Tommy once talked about such a man. He had been fighting for some land with him. I moved my legs off the bed. They groaned in pain at the sudden movement. I grit my teeth. Maybe he saw Tommy before his death. Maybe he can tell me something. Anything. I felt hope grow in my heart. Something Tommy had left behind.

I opened my mouth as I moved closer. I stopped before the taller man looking up at him. I spoke the words I was afraid to say “you knew Tommy before he died?” he titled his head, shaking it slightly. I gave a sigh it was too good to be true. Just then he moved to the side and relieved something. Someone. 

“Tommy?” I cried without realizing as i lept to the boy in question. He gave a small laugh as I embraced him tightly. I took in his sent god he really did smell. I couldn't help the smile. This was it he was finally back in my arms. He's not...he's not..not dead? I pushed him away by his shoulders yet keeping him in my grasp, as if I were to let go he would disappear again, examining him. 

“Tommy?” I looked into his pale blue eyes. They didn't hold the same light they once had when I last saw him. He gave a small nod “i'm home” he gave a weak smile. I hugged him again this time not missing the way he flushed at my contact.

“Tommy i missed you so much” i confessed finally “i tried looking for you yet…” I took in the way his body felt so much thinner than the last time I held him. The tightening in my throat said everything “i- Tommy i love you… i'm sorry i wasn't there for you…” i couldn't speak anymore. All my emotions started to overwhelm me.

I had tried to...to see him again and. He was still alive and he was in my arms again. But why? Why hadn't I been told? Why did Tubbo tell me that he had died? No, that didn't matter right now because I had him.

Tommy whimpered into my ear as I rubbed circles into his thin back. I could feel his spine through his thin shirt. I felt my neck damped as he took deep breaths. Tommy was back. He was in my arms. Dirty as can be. Crying into my shoulder. Eyes devoid of the color they once held. Thin as could be. But he was back. 

I reluctantly pulled away to see his puffy red eyes. I bet we looked like fools to the two in the room with us but that didn't matter. I had finally gotten my lost family back.

“I'm sorry to cut this short but we are currently in enemy territory” the piglin hybrid finally spoke his voice strained, breaking our reunion too fast. What was his name again? I tore my eyes from Tommy to look at him. 

“Thank you for…” I looked back at Tommy cupping his face. Everything was so thin now. His once chubby cheeks thinned down to the bone “for bringing back Tommy to me” I smiled looking at his wide eyes. “I missed you so much” I gave him another hug longing for his warmth. I missed it. His sun kissed hair too. It was so shaggy and dirty it almost looked dirty brown now. 

I tried to take in every detail I could. While I still had him in my arms. And then it was all gone too soon. He was standing at the door. We were saying our goodbyes. I was watching him leaving, gripping the red cape in his thin fingers. I was sitting on my bed. I was alone again. 

I couldn't help the tears that flowed down my face. Everything I went through. For him to be exiled for him to be cast away. For his mind to be fucked up. Techno had given him home to stay at, for what in return he wouldn't tell me. But he had promised me that Tommy was safe and wouldn't be alone anymore.

I gave a glance to the compass I had set on my bed. Tommy had handed it to me. His simplicity was so genuine and young again. He said it would be his home for the time begging. And with it no one could stop me from coming to see him.

The compass held it's direction string and unmoving. It was my red string towards Tommy. I picked it up gently. Holding it to my chest. Tommy was safe. He was safe.

I sat down on the bed laying down with my legs hanging off. I let them dangle. Some blood flow for once. I laughed quietly. This was the most I've moved in so long. It all felt so unreal. I let my grip tighten against the compass pushing it harder into my chest. Closing my eyes. Laughter filled my ears. Tommy's smile filled my vision. I smiled.

We are going to be fine.

Tommy was going to be fine.

I was going to be fine.

Everything was going to be fine.


End file.
